A NEW Forever!
by edward6234
Summary: What is in New Moon ... More summary in story  What if … the pack had just been a few seconds later?
1. Chapter 1

A NEW Forever!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of that Stephenie Meyer does. I also don't own, Just Go - Jesse McCartney and My greatest fear - Randy Travis.

Summery: What if New Moon didn't end the way it did? What if a new twist happened to Bella's life sooner then anyone every planned? What if … the pack had just been a few seconds later?

Back ground story: This story started because I was listing to my play list and found two great songs that gave me great ideas for stories. Well now I'm taking those ideas and running with them … A new middle and ending for New Moon.

Bella walked alone into the forest looking for the meadow, the one she thought would bring back the magic into her life after _HE _left. The story begins just before Laurent's end. On with the story!

A New Beginning.Ch1.

_I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. __**Edward**__, __**Edward**__, __**Edward**__. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. __**Edward, I love you**__._

I could feel his firm grip on my arms and then the crushing burning pain as his razor sharp teeth entered the flesh of my neck, I think I screamed but I couldn't be too sure. The pain of the bite and the burning was incredibly powerful and yet I could still hear Edward's voice in the background.

_Through my narrowed eyes, I watched as Laurent paused in the act of inhaling and whipped his head abruptly to the left. I was afraid to look away from him, to follow his glance, though he hardly needed a distraction or any other trick to over power me _now. _I was too amazed _and in pain _to feel relief when he started slowly backing away from me._

"_I don't believe it," he said, his voice so low that I barely heard it. _

As his arms released me I was in too much pain to hold myself and fell to the ground in agony. There wasn't much else that I could realize in the moment, the burning was growing and with it so was the pain but the sweet voice was slowly fading into darkness as with everything else around me. I remember the fire, the burning!

Jacob's POV.

I don't believe it! I just don't! My mind was running a mile a minute and yet it couldn't figure out a way to explain this to the rest of me. We killed the vampire but the damage had been done, he bit Bella! … No! I don't believe this! It can't to true. I won't allow it to happen, not to her, not now… Not ever! There has to be a way to stop the transformation, right? Well I just have to find it and save her. Its our job to protect people and Bella is a friend, a dear friend… I can't loose her like this. Not like this.

"Jake! Snap out of it. You need to back off, NOW!" Sam was yelling again, I could hear but I wasn't listening.

"Come on man, We can't let her turn." Some one chimed in and I wish I could focus long enough to see who's head I was going to rip from their body.

They wanted to kill her, kill Bella! Well I wouldn't allow that either! Bella was going to be fine, fine … just fine. I could fix this I can. … Sam will have to take her from my dead hands, if he thought I would really allow him to hurt her then he was seriously WRONG!

"JACOB!" Sam yelled behind me again but I didn't listen.

I took Bella into my arms and started walking back through the forest. I had no idea where I was going to take her or how I was going to save her but my feet were moving and that was good enough for me at the moment. If there was a way to safe her then I would find it but I would never find it sitting there arguing about killing my friend. That was helping nothing and her screaming was getting worse, I had to do something and fast!

{But Jacob couldn't find a cure and he spent three days and nights sitting with Bella in the middle of the woods, watching her scream and beg for nothing and everything all at the same time. Her pain was killing him in a way he couldn't understand, until the third day when Bella's screams slowly faded and then her heart completely stopped. Jacob couldn't believe he had let it come that far but he also knew he could do nothing to change it all now. Bella was a vampire now and as her eyes opened the first thing she noticed what Jacob slowly walking back towards La Push with his head hung in shame and sadness. The second thing she notice was a note in her that read: _Run! Don't stay here and down look back, sorry! _So Bella ran away from that spot, from Forks, from her home, from everything she had and yet from nothing she wanted anymore. She ran and never found anything to change her mind or to fill the whole she felt inside of her and couldn't remember what had been in its place before she started running. .… 5 years later.}


	2. Ch2 Just Go

Just Go.{ch2}

Bella's POV

5 years. I ran away for 5 years and now I decide to come back. I don't know why I came back, there is nothing here for me now. I can never go home and life is meaningless but I can't end it now. I came to Seattle it's the middle of the night and there is nothing I want to do so I wonder down the empty streets. I feel a pain at an old memory, one from a former life, one that's become cloudy and yet the pain I feel leaves me breathless. Even if I don't need to breath, the pain is too much to bear. Time has almost taken way those fuzzy memories but the pain never seems to fade. I am alone! There is a club open late and even from around the block I can here the music playing and the people dancing. The world seems so alive in there and not some place I really want to be right now but for some reason I find my feet rushing in that direction. As the music gets loader so do the voices of all the people that should be home sleeping. I find myself standing outside the doors to the noisy club there is nothing I want inside those door but I open them anyway and walk into the crowed place. _Humans_. All of them dancing, singing, drinking, fighting, flirting, and all around the room. I almost miss the way they seem to make forgetting life so easy to do. I know that even as a human my pain would never leave me… It seems that's the only thing that never leaves.

"Hey Doll? Wanna dance?"

I didn't bother to look at face or even care to listen to anything else he wanted to ask. I walked farther into the room and glared at a few other men that looked my way. I never noticed the guys that looked my way before but in a room where almost everyone turns to stare, its hard not to notice. The music was ok but nothing I would want to stay to hear, I didn't come here for the attention, and I never drank. So why am I still in this place? Why can't I seem to understand what my feet are trying to find? They lead me to the back of the place, far from the bar and the DJ, far from anyone in the room. The very back in a dark corner with a few chairs that no one ever bothered to notice or maybe it was too dark for human eyes to see. I moved to sit in one of those empty chairs to wait for whatever way coming next. As I sat in that dark corner my eyes saw something my mind couldn't comprehend, and with my new mind that's was stunning, I saw a figure looking shockingly like someone my mind was trying to remember. It was there a face and a letter came to mind. "A" what would that mean? The figure before me was slightly different then the one my fuzzy memories remember, she was much more then the memories make out. More but I know that I knew her… a long former life time ago. But as soon as my mind tried to clear the fuzzy memory, the figure was gone and so was the thought of trying to remember. Why did I even bother in the first place anyone I knew from the former memory would be a threat to me now, so why try to remember. I was about to get up and leave when a new song came to the room and I couldn't help noticing the sadder melody in the tone of the song.

_I trusted you, yeah that would be my first mistake._

_yeah I've been lied to._

_Your eyes are ice cold blue, A mirror of the heart inside of you._

_**You can't walk back in my life**_

_You had your chance to be by my side._

_I don't have to hear you cry to know_

_Just go, I gave you my word and I promised to love you._

_Go its over, you had your chance. Just go, _

_There's nothing in side that still feels connected_

_To you, to me, your already gone._

_I got a new love now, yea-ah._

That's when I saw _**him**__! _It wasn't a good look, I can't see his features but I knew who he was. The fuzzy feeling came with the memories but they were so much clearer then the others. There was a face, different but still the same. Unlike the other hazy memories there was a name, _though I dare not think it now_, the name also brought pain much more pain then I usually feel but for some reason I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face. It felt strange and foreign but at the same time it felt _right_! But that smile soon faded as I saw a new figure, one my mind had no memory for not even fuzzy. She walked over to him and kissed his perfect cheek. As all this set in I started listening to the song still playing in the back ground. This only brought more pain.

_She's my new love now, And she loves me so_

_Takes me where you've never took me although you tried to._

_Her eyes they read so true, so different from the way it was with you._

_**I don't **_need _**you in my life**_

_Forgot what's like to be satisfied._

_I don't wanna hear you cry, cause I know._

_Just go, I gave you my word and I promised to love you._

_Go its over, you had your chance. Just Go,_

_There's nothing in side me that still feels connected_

_To you, to me, your already gone._

There was no point to stay, there was no reason to listen to the end of the song, there was nothing to do but obey those words that whispered in my head. _Just go! _So I did, I got up and ran for the door. I didn't bother to keep a human pace, no one saw me from the shadows and no human would see the blur of colors in the dark with the strobe lights flashing and the crazy movements of their dancing. _Just go! _The pain was eating me alive now and I found that nothing could control the sobs that escaped from somewhere buried deep inside me. I couldn't move and I _couldn't _stay here. I found myself curled on the ground in some ally, some blocks from that horrid place. I hate clubs and now I will never step foot in one again. I may never move again if these sobs don't stop coming!

…

Edward's POV

I didn't want to be here. I have never wanted to be anywhere less in my entire existence! Yet here I was in this dark, loud, crowded, and filthy club. With all the thoughts floating around me filled with sex and filthy flirting humans, I started wondering why anyone would come to a place like this. But I guess not everyone can hear that part of the events. I wanted to run as far from here as I could, not just because of the filth in the club but because where the club was. I haven't been to Seattle in over 5 years and to be honest I never wanted to get any closer to the one place I wanted to be most! There was no point in wanting to go, there would be no reason for me there now. _**She **_would be long gone and even if she wasn't I could never to go her again, not that she'd ever want me back. The pain I always feel was stronger tonight and I didn't want to know why but I knew it would never leave me.

"Awww, cheer up Edward!" Tanya called to me as she walked back to the table and placed a kiss on my cheek, I barely noticed.

"Tanya, Please stop trying. The others gave up long ago, why won't you?" I knew the answer to that but I still couldn't understand why she just couldn't leave me alone to my misery?

"You're hurting Edward, and I don't want you to feel alone?" Tanya answered for what had to be a millionth time just this week. In her thoughts she added. '_We are loners in families full of lover, if you hurt then so do _I.'

She couldn't understand, I didn't expect her to but still I grew tired of trying to explain my pain. Tanya knew about my … _her_. Tanya knew from when I ran away from home because of her and Tanya knew how I felt and why my family had to leave Forks. I caused myself this pain to safe her, it was always for her! I sighed and turned away from Tanya, knowing how this was hurting her as much to see my pain. I tried to hide from all the others but Alice had said I NEEDED to come tonight. She claimed she _saw _me here and that it was pointless to argue so I came and still I wish to run. As I watched Alice dance around the floor with Jasper I listened to the song that was playing. Not something I wanted to hear but these days music had no power over me but I didn't care much.

_I don't need you in my life_

_Forgot what's like to be satisfied._

_I don't wanna hear you cry, cause I know._

_Just go, I gave you my word and I promised to love you._

_Go its over, you had your chance. Just Go,_

_There's nothing in side me that still feels connected_

_To you, to me, your already gone._

As I listened to those words I couldn't help the pain I felt again. She would never be in my life but it was me that had left. I had my chance to be with her, she wanted it but I couldn't do that to her. As selfish as I am, I couldn't put her in danger! _I just had to go_. I sat at this table and Emmett joined Tanya and I. He didn't speak to me or anyone he was too busy watching Rose dance circles around the poor human girls that prayed for her looks. I still had no idea why I was here, Alice said I had to be here and I had to stay but I didn't want to stay, I also had no where I wanted to be. I want nothing.

"Please dance with me?" Alice begged as she pulled on my arm.

"Alice, just forget it. Go, have fun!" I tried to bring life back to my voice but nothing seemed to work.

"Edward, how will you get over this if you don't dance?" Alice looked at me with pleading eyes and then added. '_How will you find her if you never look away from that stupid wall_?'

I may have over reacted just a little. I had ended up throwing the table into the stupid wall I had been staring at. Alice was shocked but so was I. I don't usually loose my temper with Alice or anyone anymore, there isn't much point to care now, but how could she even think about something like that! I couldn't believe she would even consider something so, so, So stupid! Alice knows how I feel maybe better then anyone and yet her she was dragging me to this horrible place and for what? To find some _girl_? _The nerve of her_! But I had to calm down after all we were in a crowed place full of unsuspecting humans. No one saw or even hear the crash because of the music and the darkness but soon someone would.

"OH Just perfect Edward! Now look at what you did?" Alice complained.

"Edward? What happened?" Tanya asked shocked at my sudden out burst.

"ASK HER!" I yelled pointing at Alice, I guess I wasn't calm yet so I took a deep breath to try and help. "Alice what were you thinking?"

I didn't want to listen to what she had to say, it wouldn't matter what reason she gave. I couldn't listen to it now, or ever. There was no reason for her to ever think that I would want to look for someone else. I can't even think straight I just had to get out of here. I took off for the door, not bothering to see if anyone was watching. I ran outside and kept running. I didn't pay attention to where I was going but something caught my attention and I froze in the middle of the road. A sent, a familiar and yet an impossible scent. Its also slightly … more then I remember but still I know its _her_? I couldn't stop myself, at this point my feet started following the scent and I found I was standing in a dark ally. That's when I saw the best and most horrible sight possible! **Bella **… curled into a tiny ball on the ground of this dirty ally, sobbing. I was in shock, I thought I would never see her again. I couldn't bear to see her like this and yet I vowed she would never see me again. I also couldn't help but notice something is different about her. _Could this really be the same Bella I left 5 years ago_? I thought to myself while debating how to help her. Being shocked I took a half step forward and notices something new, Bella had no tears? Her sobs came and came but I couldn't smells the tears. I couldn't believe what my mind was telling me, the something new in her scent, the change I felt when I saw her, I know what she _is _now!

"Bella?" I exclaimed, I couldn't help it, my voice took control and I was calling to her again. "Bella!"


	3. Ch3 I'm Sorry

I'm Sorry.{ch3}

Bella's POV

I have been laying here sobbing when suddenly some one called my name. I didn't want to look up, I didn't want to hear his words, I couldn't stand see his face, and yet I also couldn't help the smile or the pain that followed. Edward must have followed me from the stupid club. Why did I ever go to that horrible place? Why was he here? _Why was I smiling now_? I had no answers but I wasn't going to lay here and wait for the ones that would kill me to hear. Suddenly I was on my feet trying to calm my sobs. Edward was there, standing before me and he looked to be in pain. That hurt more then it should have, I could feel the sobs coming back.

"Bella? … Are you … alright?" Edward asked he looked as if that wasn't what he wanted to ask, I just wanted to cry.

I settled for running. I couldn't stand there staring at him, I saw that girl, I saw her eyes, I saw the kiss, I heard that song and now I see his eyes. The pain I felt was too much. I was running and I didn't care where I was going, I just had to leave. Somewhere far away and to never return. Somewhere, anywhere I won't feel this! I could hear the sound of him chasing after me, I knew he would catch me soon. He was still faster then me but not by much. All of a sudden I could feel his hand on the back of my arm, he quickly swung me around and hugged me close to him. I struggled to get free but he just held me tighter. I didn't want to hear what he had to say and yet I never wanted to be anywhere else. I was so confused and helpless against his hold, I wanted to cry.

"Bella? … Where are you going? Tell me what's wrong." Edward asked.

"I should go. Please … just let me go." I couldn't think straight.

"What are you talking about? What happened and why are you here?" Edward asked and it finally clicked.

Edward never saw me… he wasn't following me, he found me. I'm not supposed to be here, I'm not supposed to look the way I do, I'm ruining everything. This is their home, of course they would come back when they thought I would be gone. I should be gone.

"This is your home. I should go. I hope you and that other girl will be really happy together. I'm just in the way. Let me go!"

"Bella? What are you talking about" Edward looked down at me and looked really confused. "What other girl? This is no one else Bella, never could be!"

"I was there Edward, I saw you and her at the club. I saw her kiss you. I should go, please let me go?" I was starting to feel that pain again and it was making my voice sound weak and my please started to sound like questions. "Please Edward, I have to go."

"There is no other girl. That was just Tanya, she's a family friend that's all. I love you and I will never let you go again. These past 5 years have been hell without you." I heard him whisper in my ear.

I didn't want to believe what he was saying and at the same time that's all I wanted to hear. I have missed him so much and the pain I felt when he was away was more than anyone could bear. I never wanted Edward to let me go but I knew how he would feel about me now and I didn't want to be around him to hurt him anymore.

"_I -" He took a deep breath. "I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know" -the words began to flow so fast, the way I remembered he spoke sometimes when he was agitated, that I had to concentrate to catch them all- "that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria" -his lips curled back when he said the name- "_or Laurent would come back. I'll admit, when I saw them that time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. …" Edward was rambling on and I couldn't handle anymore, I had to stop him somehow.

"I don't need to be here Edward. You don't need to say that now." I couldn't say it any other way, it was hard to tell him to leave.

"Bella?" Edward whispered in my ear, he sounded so … weak and breathless, I didn't understand. He pulled back just a little to look at my face, his was distorted by pain, but kept a firm grip around me. "Do you want me to leave?"

"Don't you want to leave? … I'm not the same Bella you knew before? You don't have to pretend that you don't hate me now Edward." I was even more confused by his reaction.

_He kissed me_? "Don't ever say that! I could never hate any part of you Bella. You are and have always been the only love for me! I could never feel anything but love for you." Edward told me with such determination.

I saw the sincerity of his words reflected in his eyes, his oddly black eyes. I knew what that shade of coloring meant and I didn't like it much. I glared up at his eyes and for the first time since I was turned I felt a different emotion them the sadness and the pain. I felt the growl before it came out and the embarrassment that would surly make me blush, if that were still possible. Then suddenly I heard Edward's quick intake of breath before he released me completely. I hated the feeling, I missed his touch.

"Bella? I, I'm so sorry! Truly I am sorry! I don't understand, are you alright? Did I hurt you or upset you or.. " Edward was babbling but he didn't get to finish and I couldn't understand his ranting anyway for I was laughing at his hysterics too much for him to continue. His face was so adorable with his new beyond perfect features, laughter felt strange in this body but it also felt right in a way.

"I see you haven't been taking good care of yourself Edward?" I said once I calmed down a bit.

"Oh. … That, well I could say the same for you." Edward counted and raised his hands to place them on either side of my face and lightly rubbed the dark circles sure to be under my purely black eyes.

His hands and figures didn't stop with just my eyes, they slowly and gently roamed the rest of my face and slowly moved down my neck, onto my shoulders, down my sides, to wrap tenderly around my waist. Edward then pulled me into his embrace again and kissed each of my eyes lids before placing another gentle kiss to my lips. I couldn't take his sweetness any longer and my arms flew up to wrap around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss and holding his to me in the process. He didn't seem to mind as he quickly matched my passion. There was nothing more that I wanted then to stay in his embrace forever and yet something in the back of my mind was clearly remembering that we were standing in the middle of a filthy ally in down town Seattle. I didn't want to listen to that part of my mind but then someone was tapping my shoulder. When I looked up I pulled away from Edward and for a second, only a second, his arms were pulled away from me again. Until he quickly pulled me back into his arms, tightening his grip as if to never let me go again. I didn't mind that thought!

"Hi! I'm Tanya. You MUST be Bella?" Tanya held her hand out to me and I hesitantly shook it as best I could with Edward still holding me. "We thought you were gone. I'm glad to see that Edward was wrong. Although you don't appear to be human as I was told that you were supposed to be."

"Thank you Tanya… now please leave?" Edward said a little more annoyed then I assumed him to be.

"YOU FOUND HER!" we all looked down to the end of the ally and saw a very small, hyper and bouncy creature headed our way, I could only think of Alice… The figure from the club! "I told you, you would never find her while staring at that wall."

"WHAT?" I was becoming more confused by the second.

"Nothing… Alice was ju..." Edward didn't get to finish.

"MINE!" Alice cried as she ran up at a blinding speed and stole right out of Edward's arms. As much as I wanted to be back in his embrace I couldn't help braking out into laughter.

"HEY! NO, Alice GIVE HER BACK!" Edward yelled back at his sister and tried to grab me from her arms, it didn't work she was very fast. "ALICE! I mean it, GIVE HER BACK!"

"NO! SHE'S MINE NOW. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE!" Alice told him as she douched another attempted at stealing me.

This brought back the song from the club… it had been less then an hour ago that I listened to that song and heard those words. I felt I different feeling then and now all I could feel was love and strong urge to show all the love I felt again. I had never been so happy and yet still so confused then in this moment. I hugged Alice as I laughed and she hugged me while she giggled at how Edward complained and still missed as he tried to take me from her again.

"NO FAIR ALICE, **GIVE HER BACK**!" Edward was slowly getting pissed back I could also see that he was trying to fight off a smile of his own. He was enjoying the familiar feeling of past years as I was. It felt right and I was loving the feeling.

"Alright, FINE! But don't screw this up again or I will NOT be giving her back next time Edward Cullen! Do you hear me?" Alice threatened Edward yet again and released me back into his arms, as he held me he glared back at Alice.

"She's _mine _and never to leave my arms again! … If that's what you want Bella?" Edward said and suddenly looked down at me in a panic, as if I could want anything else.

"Of course! Never let go Edward!" I said and kissed him again.

Edward decided shortly after that, that we shouldn't linger in the ally much longer for it was getting quite late and Esme would worry if they weren't back by dawn. Just the mention of her name sent a smile to my face and I couldn't hide it now. Edward never released me. He had at least one arm wrapped around me at all times as we all walked back to the club, where Alice and Tanya had left Jasper, Emmett and Rose. We all walked in the dark together.

"Hey you seemed to have picked up a stray or something there Eddy!" Emmett chuckled as he saw us rounding the corner. When we got closer he looked at me and his eyes seemed to widen slightly. "BELLY! … YOU'RE BACK and you're a vampire SWEET!"

"Don't even think it Emmett. Alice already stole her from me and its not going to happen again!" Edward threatened as he tightened his arms around me.

"Awww but Edward?" Emmett whined. "That's not fair … She's my sister, _really now_! And its only fair that I get to play with her to. **Alice DID**!"

_Sister_? … This reminded me that I wasn't turned the way I had hoped for in my past life but I was turned just the same. Edward must have realized something as well from Emmett's statement because I could see out of the corner of my eyes that he looked down in thought and a slight crease came between his eyes.

"Lets just go home please." Edward finally announced and he started to lead me away from the club again but stopped with a heavy sigh. "Is that necessary?

"Yes, I most say that it is Edward." Jasper answered and I hadn't noticed but he had been standing in the back by the doors. He didn't move any closer and yet I could clearly see the pain that covered his features, he was looking at me and I didn't know why.

"Bella, Jasper would like to speak with you. … Alone if you don't mind." Edward said unwillingly.

Before I could answer or even bother to think about what he could want to say to me, before any of us could do anything. Rose walked out of the club and instantly her glare was glued to my face and Edward's arms wrapped protectively around me. I didn't need to be a mind reader or to be able to see the future to know that Rose still had a great deal of hatred for me and looking back I guess I never really gave much to like about me. After all if way my fault I had put her family in danger that time with James and with the fact that I knew their secrete, I also was the reason that her family had to move away from Forks as suddenly as they did. Because of me the Cullens had to change everything and worry about if I would be able to keep their secrete after they were gone, not that I would have ever betrayed them. But I had caused her family so much pain and trouble that I couldn't possibly blame her for hating me. I just wish I could some how fix her pain.

"ROSE!" Edward said in a warning voice.

She didn't seem to hear him she didn't seem to notice anything but me at the moment but she suddenly turned sharply away from me and stormed off down the road, ignoring me completely from that point on. Emmett followed after her and soon Tanya and Alice slipped away as well. All that was left was Edward, Jasper, myself and the tension that seemed to linger in the air.

"Bella?" Jasper pulled me from my thoughts and the mood around us seemed to fade into a more peaceful one. "I wished to speak to you alone but it seems this as good as I will get for the time being so I'll make this quick. I am horribly sorry for what had happened, I never meant to … well I am so sorry! I'm truly glad to see you again and, as bad as you may thing this sounds, its nice to not want to kill you anymore."

"_Jasper_." Edward chided.

"No, its ok Edward. I understand what he means and I want to just say that I hope that you haven't been feeling guilt this whole time Jasper. I would never blame you for what happened that night, it was my fault I was careless and ruined everything." I couldn't let him continue to feel this way, the memory was slightly easier to remember now but still the fuzzy haze that covered that night was hard to see past.

"Bella, it was not your fault" Edward and Jasper both said to me and I couldn't help the smile that came to me at the fact.

With that we started walking down the road the way the others had gone and soon came to find the others waiting by a row of cars, I quickly recognized that silver Volvo I used to hate and love so much. Alice ran to Jasper's side and he held her door open as she got into one of the other cars, Rose was waiting impatiently for Emmett and Tanya to join her in Emmett's jeep and soon they were speeding off into the night. Edward lead me to the side of his car but didn't open the door and didn't seem willing to let me do it either. Edward wrapped his arm's around my waist and pulled me into his chest as he kissed me passionately again. This kiss was so much more then I remembered and whether it be the haze, the time, or distance from him I didn't know but I did know that this kiss shared more then I have ever felt before and yet all I wanted was more. More Edward, more kisses, more … just more forever!


	4. Ch4 My Greatest Fears

_**My Greatest Fears.**__**{ch4}**_

_**Edward's POV**_

_**I didn't really want to leave but I knew that if I didn't then, sooner or later someone would find us here standing by my car or the sun would be coming up soon and then we would really be in trouble; plus Esme would truly be worried if we didn't get back home soon. So I had to unwillingly release her from my arms and helped her into my car then I quickly got in to reclaimed one of her hands to hold in mine as I drove down the road. I never wanted to let her go again and, as long as it was what she wanted as well**_**, now I never would. Bella is here, in my car and in my arms again but this time as a vampire. … I never wanted this life for her, in fact I would have rather died then turn her into a soulless creature. But as I look upon this beautiful women by my side, I see her deep compassion for others and as I gaze into her**_** deep and mesmerizing eyes, **_**I still see a soul so magnificent that I can not help but be glad that I was wrong. Even if I was wrong about that it still doesn't change the fact that is isn't a life I wanted for her. A part of me wishes this wasn't true but an even bigger part of me is telling me that Bella is back and I'm alive again. Alive and happy, now and forever!**

"**You think they'll be … upset if they see me?" Bella asked breaking me from my thoughts. **

"**Who could possible be upset to see you Bella?" Sometimes I just don't understand the way her mind works.**

"**Your family, I mean I know Alice and Emmett seemed ok with seeing me again but Rose … Well she may never like me but what about Esme and…" Bella was rambling by this point and I didn't want to hear anymore about it so I cut her off.**

"**Bella, how could you possibly think Esme wouldn't want to see you and as for Rosalie, her attitude today had **_**almost **_**nothing to do with you. There was this guy at the club that apparently was hitting on her all night, with Emmett there and everything, she didn't get to dance a lot because of him so she couldn't wait to leave." I now realize how funny that would have been had I not been so depressed about my life at the time and couldn't help but chuckle. **

"**Edward I mean it. Its been so long, I'm not the same now and it was my fault that you had to leave your home in the first place." Bella said stubbornly, at least some things never change. **

"**Nothing has ever been your fault so stop thinking like that and relax." I couldn't help but feel the guilt over the pain I caused her in the past, at least now I'll have the time to fix everything.**

"**Is that all you heard? Edward I'm a **_**vampire **_**now! Don't you get that?" Bella was starting to panic with her frustration now. **

**I stopped the car and ran to the over side, throwing the door open and pulling Bella into my arms. I held her as close to me as my arms would hold, thankful that I didn't have to worry about crushing her anymore. Just the feeling of having her back in my arms alone was enough to cast away all my pain, all my fears, and all the shadows that have covered every part of my life since I left her. I have always told her that I never wanted her to become what I was and it was true, I never wanted this for her **_**but I did want her for me**_**. Bella will never know how many nights I wished for her stop begging to be like us but she needs to know now how many nights I wished she never stopped. How I wished I had turned her.**

"_**Bella**_**." I whispered in her ear and for a while that was all I could say, over and over again. "Bella. I didn't wanted you to become a vampire because I never wanted you to go through this pain, the pain my family and I felt when we were turned, the pain we feel every day, the pain every vampire feels. But that never meant that I didn't … that I didn't wish there was a way to be with you forever! I wished I could turn you without the pain, without the suffering, without the regret of being what you are now. I know that this isn't how you wanted this and I really hope you weren't in a lot of pain. I swear it won't happen again, I promise you now that no matter what happens I love you as I always have, like I always will!" **

**We were stopped just outside of the house. We had been so close to home by the time she started talking crazy and right now all I wanted to do was take her hand and run the other way, if she was this worried about what they would think about her now then I would run with her. I couldn't do that though and I couldn't put my family through that not again. After leaving Bella I ran away I didn't want to be around anyone and it stayed that way for a very long time until Alice hunted me down. She found me curled into a pathetic ball on the floor of some rundown building in the middle of some forgotten forest. She made me come home and now was a good time to welcome Bella back with me as well! We all missed her … well we **_**almost **_**all missed her, Rose didn't care either way. I slightly pulled away but kept a firm grip around Bella and lead her up towards the house and into the front door, we didn't make it very far before the hugging and crowding began. Alice was the first to attack, followed by Emmett and Jasper, Esme nearly broke out into sobs at the mere sight of us together again and Carlisle simple waited in the back of the room for his turn to welcome us both home. Rose however was still pissed about the club and being Rose so she simple nodded in our direction and went back to reading about some new car shop in some far off city. The very last person to come towards Bella and I was Tanya and she hesitated a few feet before us wondering what she should do. I couldn't help.**

"**Hi. I'm sorry for … well for what ever happened that I may have caused." Tanya said simple. **

"**You're Tanya. Hello its nice to meet you." Bella said honestly and she had the nerve to let go of my hand to hug Tanya.**

"**Oh no you don't." I cried out as I wrapped Bella back into my arms, planning to never let her go again. **

**Bella finished hugging Tanya and everyone was laughing but me. I couldn't let her go, not now, not ever and certainly not for a hug. I was so focused Bella and the fact that she was back in my life, let alone my arms, that I was drowning out all the thoughts around me. Then something came to my attention that I guess I should have noticed before. I still couldn't hear Bella's thoughts and this fact still drove me insane! Why couldn't I hear her, I thought for sure that if she was turned I might hear her then but it seems I will never get to hear her beautiful mind. Well I guess it doesn't matter too much now it just bugs me that I was wrong yet again, not something I'm used to but since I met Bella its becoming more common then I would like to admit. Oh well, she's here and nothing else matters but the fact that she can send the rest of eternity safely wrapped in my arms and nothing will be able to make me let her go again. Nothing. Speaking of which I really just wanted to be alone with her right now and everyone was crowding.**

"**Ok, ok. Funs over. Enough hogging my Bella!" I said sternly as I gently pulled Bella away from everyone and lead her up the stairs to the very top floor and to the very last room in the back of the house, I really liked my privacy and lately it was a necessity.**

"**So … you wanted to get **_**your **_**Bella alone right? Why?" Bella asked teasingly, as soon as I closed the door behind us. **

"**I didn't really mean anything by that… if it bothers you I'm sorry I just really missed you and I guess my jealousy just got the better of me." I was stumbling over my own words, something that only happened when around Bella, she even giggled at me for it.**

"**Edward I missed you just as much, even after I was turned I wanted to go off and find you but I never thought that you would want me now." Bella said as she turned away from me. **

**I couldn't have any of that so I wrapped my arms around her again and turned her so she was facing me and held her to my chest.**

"**I always wanted you Bella! I just wanted you to be safe even more, I thought that if I left, if my family left that you would be safe. I had no idea that leave would leave you unprotected. I hoped that by leaving I could somehow take the danger away with me but it seems that you really are a danger magnet as I have feared. I'm sorry I was wrong, I'm sorry it didn't work, I'm sorry I hurt you and mostly I'm sorry that I ever left you in the first place!" I was on edge now, I couldn't seem to say I'm sorry enough.**

"**Shut up Edward its not your fault that any of this happened, well except for you leaving but you're back now so don't bring it up anymore ok? I just want to forget that you ever let me go and used the rest of forever to have your arms wrapped around me. So lets not talk about the past anymore." Bella said looking me straight in the eyes. **

**I was caught, mesmerized by her eyes, which were still too black for my liking so tomorrow we would go hunting together. Just the thought of this made me smile, I wouldn't have to hide anything from her now and as much as I wish she didn't have to feel the pain it comes with I couldn't be more glad to have her with me. Bella has always been easy to forgive but somehow all this still felt like a dream, even if I can't sleep, that's just how it feels with her sometimes. A wonderful dream that I wished I would never wake from and now I never will, as long as that's what she wants. **

"**Edward? … Edward are you even listening to me anymore?" Bella asked taking me from my thoughts. **

"**I'm sorry Love, yes I was listening. I heard every word and I couldn't agree more! All I want is to enjoy having you wrapped in my arms again. Speaking of …" I said ending in a whisper as I pulled her back into my arms and smiled down at her beautiful, practically **_**glowing **_**face. **

**I lead her deeper into the room and into the very back corner where a small bed was pushed up by the window. I felt stupid for buying the thing now but at the time all I wanted was some sort of reminder that at night she was somewhere sleeping. I'm sure she'll find it stupid but I don't care, right now I'm glad to have it here. I gently laid her down and without removing my arms laid beside Bella. It was starting to feel normal again, as if I had never left, as if she was always the same as me and as if it were nothing but normal to lie in bed wrapped in each others arms. I wanted it to feel this way but more than anything I just wanted it to be what she wanted. I could never do anything without knowing it was exactly what she wanted. She wasn't fighting me or showing any kind of resistance but the need for reassurance was becoming too strong and as much as I would rather enjoy the peaceful silence, I had to ask and I had to ask her now before I lost my mind! **

"**What are you think?" I couldn't help but smile at the familiar words. **

**Bella giggled. "You always want to know. Well I was thinking about what you could possibly be thinking when you see me like this but I don't really want to ask." She said hesitantly.**

"**I know what you mean and I couldn't be more pleased to have you in my arms as I have said many times since I found you again. Bella I know how it may have seemed to you before but I don't hate you, **_**I could never **__hate you_! I just hate that you had to go through the pain to become what we are." I couldn't hide my pain.

"You mean that Edward? You really don't hate me now that I'm a vampire. I'm so glad to hear you say that but I wish I had known years ago, I would have tried to find you sooner. I've been through a lot of pain but nothing could possible compare to the pain I felt when I found out I was going to have to spend forever without you!" Bella said with such sincerity.

As we laid there wrapped in each others arms and again the embraces of our love, I couldn't help but notice how quiet the house has been since I stole my love away from the family and escaped to this blissful hideaway. I haven't heard a single thought or a single movement this whole time and that's not like living in this house, Emmett and Jasper should be playing some sort of game to fight off boredom, Alice and Rose could have been planning a shopping trip in some far off country, Esme and Carlisle might have been quietly talking, but there was nothing to be heard. Their thoughts were just as silent and if I didn't know any better I would have said that they all had left but then to even my surprise some one suddenly pressed the radio on down in the living room, the song that came on couldn't have been more perfect for this heavenly moment. Its not one I listened to many time before but I knew the words and lately I could sing it with all my heart just thinking of my love for my Bella. So I did I started to sing alone with the song.

_Some times many miles may lay between us_

_But only for the job I choose to do._

_And one thought helps me through my darkest hour_

_Each mile bring me closer to you._

_Please believe your all I've ever wanted_

_If you should leave I don't know what I'd do._

_I'd be like a child afraid of darkness _

_The greatest fear I have is loosing you!_

_Heaven knows I've always had these demons_

_Watching for a place to take control._

_Whispering you'll never be there for me_

_Waiting at the end of my road._

_Please believe your all I've ever wanted _

_If you should leave I don't know what I'd do._

_I'd be like a child afraid of darkness_

_The greatest fear I have is loosing you!_

Bella couldn't seem to help her giggles at a few of the verses I was singing and to a point I could see what she found funny but with this song I could identify with almost every single note and word that was proving she was all I needed to survive in this world. I was completely lost in the darkness without her and even before I had it proven to me I knew that my greatest fear was always loosing Bella. She may never believe that I'm not perfect and that I have my demons like everyone else, if not more so, but at least I hope I can prove to her that she is the one thing that I will never make the mistake of loosing ever again. I just can't do that again! 

_Alone I've wondered through this world,_

_no meaning in my life._

_And I've found you and finally saw the light._

_So please believe your all I've ever wanted_

_If you should leave I don't know what I'd do._

_I'd be like a child afraid of darkness_

_The greatest fear I have is loosing you!_

_The greatest fear I have is loosing you!_

As my thoughts ran on so did the song and I sang every line, every word for her. I sang for Bella as I tried my best to show her the love I felt for her, the love that I would always feel for her. As the final notes came to the song and I sang the last words I felt Bella cuddling closer to my chest and hiding her face from me. In a former life I knew exactly what this act meant and even if it was impossible I still felt the strong urge to lift her face and wipe away the tears I knew could never fall anymore. She would have been crying if she were still human and even if I had no idea why the feeling came to her now I know that I was the cause of her pain again. I was always causing her so much pain and I hated that!

"Please Bella… Don't feel this way!" I whispered in her ear as I tried to lift her face to look me in the eye, she complied easily.

Bella was smiling up at me. "But I'm happy Edward! That was beautiful and to think I used to hate that song, never again! I mean know that I really listen to it I can understand just how he feels, how you and I feel! Edward I love you and the greatest fear I have ever had was loosing you and living, well sort of living through that fear to be back in your arms again is the greatest happiness I know! Now we have each other forever and neither of us need to fear loosing the other and I just can't believe that I really have you back in my arms again. Forever!" Bella whispered back to me and she started kissing me. 

I knew just how she felt and now understanding that the feeling was of joy and not sadness I felt much better. I hated to see tears in Bella's eyes as a human and just knowing that I could feel the same pain from just act simple acts without the tears was just as bad. I never wanted her sad again but joy; joy I could handle, in fact I wished that to be her only reaction from this day on. Forever I would spend forever finding new ways to bring joy into her life well existence … no _LIFE_! _**OUR **__LIFE together! _Nothing could be better then spending forever in the loving arms of the women you love more then anything else! At least, I couldn't think of anything.


End file.
